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| National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green University, January 2010, Free
http://ncfmr.bgsu.edu/family_%20marriage_lit/Working%20Papers/PDFs/wp10-01.pdf
The authors report that middle age and older cohabitors (a growing group) and married people differ little in emotional satisfaction, pleasure, openness, time spent together, criticism, and demands. But cohabitors are less likely than marrieds to report a relationship as “very happy.” |
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| http://dorianmintzer.typepad.com/couples_retirement_puzzle/, Free
Informational and blog website dealing the issues couples face in retirement. |
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| Pew Research Center, November 18, 2010, Free
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1802/decline-marriage-rise-new-families
As was widely publicized, this survey found Americans less inclined toward marriage, and more supportive of alternative household models, than in the past – with a belief in family remaining strong, but with broader definitions of what constitutes “family.” |
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| Thomas Nelson, 2009, $14.99
http://www.amazon.com/Language-Love-Respect-Cracking-Communication/dp/084994807X/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_3
Eggerichs discusses the importance of respect in marriage. |
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| Jossey-Bass, 2010, $19.95
http://www.amazon.com/Fighting-Your-Marriage-Best-seller-Preventing/dp/0470485914/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275502191&sr=1-11#noop
The authors bring a wealth of information to bear on how to fix the destructive elements of a marriage, and turn it into something fun again |
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| Perigee Trade, 1994, $15.95
http://www.amazon.com/We-Can-Work-Out-Conflicts/dp/0399521372/ref=pd_sim_b_2
Notarius and Markman base their marriage advice on actual research with troubled couples. |
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| Dutton Adult, 2010, $25.95
http://www.amazon.com/Better-Science-Good-Marriage/dp/0525951385/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276017103&sr=1-1
Parker-Pope provides practical advice for couples, based on applying the lessons learned from scientific studies, not just platitudes and pop-psychology. |
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| http://ohioline.osu.edu/ss-fact/pdf/0212.pdf, Free
Basic ideas and suggestions about how couples can cope with the effects of retirement on a marriage. |
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| http://www.retirementexpert.co.uk/relationship-stress-for-retired-couples.html, Free
Deals briefly with some of the issues retired couples face and steps they should take to help assure that they adjust together to retirement. |
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| Riverhead Trade, 2009
http://www.amazon.com/September-Songs-About-Marriage-Later/dp/B0035G0470/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276017749&sr=1-7
Scarf offers advice on successful long-term marriage, in the light of the experiences of seven couples that she interviewed intensively. |
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| http://psychsocgerontology.oxfordjournals.org/content/65B/4/416.abstract
The authors suggest that older couples, more than middle-aged ones, benefit from viewing themselves as a “shared self” rather than as individual selves only if they do so on a frequent basis. |
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| http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=2009-13203-009&CFID=4680849&CFTOKEN=80919089
The authors discovered that in marital conversations, older couples used more “we” pronouns that younger couples, and that this phenomenon related to other positive aspects of the relationship as reflected in the conversation. This suggests a ready indicator of marital relationship quality. |
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| http://www.aiflp.org/pdfs/IntegrativeAdviserNo0401.pdf, Free
Taylor and Mintzer discuss the needs of retired couples to be together, and also to be apart at times, and how these issues can be resolved in ways that strengthen the relationship. |
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| Grand Central Publishing, 1996, $14.99
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Marriage-How-Love-Lasts/dp/0446672483/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276017124&sr=1-1
Wallerstein and Blakeslee identify characteristics of good, long-lasting marriages, based on interviews with 50 such couples. |
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| Chicago Review Press, 2004, $16.95
http://www.amazon.com/Ex-Etiquette-Parents-Behavior-Divorce-Separation/dp/1556525516/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276273815&sr=1-7
A very good book on how to behave with your ex-spouse (and his or her new significant other), and how to cope as productively as possible when your ex is not behaving equally well. |
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| http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm, Free
Offers the essential advice, and provides some links to specific topics. |
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| http://www.womansdivorce.com/dealing-with-ex-spouses.html, Free
A helpful overview, with links to specifc issues with their exes that divorced women commonly deal with. |
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| http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Unplugging_From_Your_Ex-Spouse.html, Free
Five quick lessons on disconnecting emotionally from an ex-spouse. |
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| http://financialdivorceblog.com/, Free
Offers a wealth of information on financial issues related to divorce, with links to outside resources. |
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| Green discusses not just the immediate financial issues but also health and family concerns that might affect planning when a late-life divorce occurs. |
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| GPP Life, 2009, $16.95
http://www.amazon.com/Hes-History-Youre-Not-Surviving/dp/0762751355/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275941712&sr=1-2
Manfred offers truly helpful, down-to-earth advice for women over 40 going through a divorce. |
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| http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/thetoxicexspouse/ht/toxicex.htm, Free
Meyer explains the signs that your ex will not cooperate. |
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| U.S. Census Bureau, May 2011, Free
http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf
Provides data using detailed demographic categories based on a survey of about 39,000 individuals. |
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| http://www.ivillage.com/reinventing-relationships-after-divorce/6-a-126369
Purcell provides helpful insights to maintaining a good relationship with an ex-spouse. |
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| http://www.helium.com/knowledge/184616-the-rules-of-separation, Free
Links to over a dozen articles on the subject of legal and/or physical separations in marriages. |
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| http://www.bookofodds.com/Relationships-Society/Marriage-Divorce/Articles/A0491-Splitsville-The-Odds-on-Marital-Separation, Free
Provides some facts you should know about marital separation, if you are facing that situation. |
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| http://drcri.net/articles/when-divorce-happens-over-40.html, Free
A good resource, dealing mostly with emotional and family issues. |
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| http://www.asaging.org/publications/dbase/GEN/Gen.25_2.Blando.pdf, Free
Blando's article is a bit scholarly and a bit old, but still a good source of information on this subject. |
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| Gp Solo Aba, 2004, $59.00
http://www.amazon.com/Estate-Planning-Same-Sex-Couples-Burda/dp/1590313828/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274892812&sr=1-24
Burda, addresses the specific estate planning issues that arise for same-sex relationships (also applicable to other unmarried people, including unmarried heterosexual couples, and sibling pairs or best friends who are living together in old age). |
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| Seal Press, 2004, $16.95
http://www.amazon.com/Lesbian-Couples-Creating-Healthy-Relationships/dp/1580051316/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276018529&sr=1-1#noop
Clunis and Green discuss commitment ceremonies and marriage, living arrangements, work, money, togetherness and separate identities, coming out to family and friends, resolving conflict and understanding each other. |
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| http://pewsocialtrends.org/2011/08/25/how-accurate-are-counts-of-same-sex-couples/?src=prc-headline, Free
Cohn analyzes the problems collecting data on same-sex couples, arguing persuasively that the 2010 U.S. Census has undercounted this population.. |
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| Movement Advancement Project (MAP) and Services & Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders (SAGE), March 2010, Free
http://www.lgbtmap.org/file/advancing-equality-for-lgbt-elders.pdf
Among other findings: lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender older adults tend to be less financially secure, find it more difficult to achieve good health and get good health care, and are more likely to face social isolation. |
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| Backinprint, 2005, $17.95
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Between-Men-Enhancing-Relationships/dp/0595341462/ref=sr_1_31?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276018348&sr=1-31
This book is for you, if you are a gay man and you’d like to improve your relationship and communicate better with your boyfriend, lover, or even your next date. |
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| http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/wayoflife/03/17/gays.aging.problems/index.html, Free
Outlines some issues and strategies that relate to the legal situation of older same-sex couples. |
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| http://grandparents.about.com/od/grandparentingissues/tp/Grandparenting-Communication.htm, Free
Offers seven tips, and provides some links to related subjects. |
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| http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/difficult_parents.htm, Free
Basic tips for effectively dealing with various kinds of difficult or abusive parents. |
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| Bethany House, 2006, $13.99
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Seven-Healthy-Family/dp/076420159X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276269174&sr=1-1
Deal's is one of the better books on making child and step-child relationships work when one or both partners have children from prior unions |
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| http://www.myseniorsite.ca/eldercare-talking.htm, Free
Edinberg offers excellent advice if you are facing difficult, emotionally laden conversations with a parent or other elder. |
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| http://gerontologist.oxfordjournals.org/content/51/4/441.abstract
This research found that white middle-age adults are more likely to provide support to grown children, but black middle-age adults are more likely to provide support for aging parents. Causes for these differences are examined. |
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| http://psychsocgerontology.oxfordjournals.org/content/66B/1/87.abstract
The authors find that middle-aged adults provide greater support to offspring because they view offspring as more important than parents and offspring have greater everyday needs (e.g., being a student, not married). Parental disability accounts for greater support to parents. |
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| http://www.gu.org/, Free
This site can link you with state-by-state information on relevant policies and programs. |
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| http://www.grandparenting.org/, Free
Offers information, comments, and sometimes poetry on a variety of topics. |
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| http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/, Free
Offers articles on sometimes surprising topics (but not always what you might expect and want). |
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| http://www.grandparents.com/gp/home/index.html, Free
Ths site nicely tailors its information and advice based on the age of the grandchild. |
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| http://www.grandparentagain.com/, Free
Provides wide-ranging and somewhat random articles on grandparenting and also links to affiliated local support groups. |
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| http://helpguide.org/mental/blended_families_stepfamilies.htm, Free
Provides a very helpful start for considering the issues that may arise if you find yourself taking on step-children. |
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| Anchor, 2008, $15.00
http://www.amazon.com/Walking-Eggshells-Navigating-Delicate-Relationship/dp/0767920856/ref=pd_sim_b_2
Isay deals with this question: How does one parent children who no longer need parenting? |
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| http://psychsocgerontology.oxfordjournals.org/content/66B/5/527.abstract
This research suggests that, for upward support (from adult children to their parents), children reported that they gave more than their aging parents reported receiving. For downward support from parents to children, the results differed depending on the type of support. |
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| Harper, 1999, $13.99
http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Your-Difficult-Older-Parent/dp/038079750X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276177333&sr=1-1
This book helps you deal with parents who have personality issues, and even with good parents when difficult situations arise (such as informing them that they cannot live with you, or that they can no longer drive). |
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| http://www.demogr.mpg.de/
Margolis and Myrskylä find that in general there is a negative correlation between happiness and having children below age 40, but a positive correlation after age 40, so that having children can be viewed as an investment in the future. |
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| Paul H. Brookes Publ. Co., 2007, $29.95
http://www.amazon.com/Special-Needs-Planning-Guide-Prepare/dp/1557668027/ref=pd_sim_b_2
Nadworny and Haddad assist with planning for both the parent and the child. |
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| Palgrave-Macmillan, 2008, $14.95
http://www.ruthnemzoff.com
Dr. Nemzoff focuses on the positive ways parents and children can add meaning to each other's lives. It includes a chapter on discussing financial matters with your adult children. |
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| Active in: MA
Available for speaking
91 Pickwick Rd. Newton, MA 02465
Telephone:617-332-7060
Fax:617-332-9632
rnemzoff@brandeis.edu
http://www.ruthnemzoff.com
Resident Scholar Brandeis Women's Studies Research Center; Adjunct Assistant Professor, Bentley University; author and speaker on how to foster intergenerational conversations about money and assets or lack thereof. |
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| Oxford University Press, 2008, $17.95
http://www.amazon.com/You-Your-Aging-Parent-Emotional/dp/019531316X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276177333&sr=1-2
Silverstone and Hyman's updated edition of a book that has been helping people since 1976. |
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| Timmerman suggests that, with the economy in a meltdown and today’s parents confronting the high cost of day care, coupled with heightened concerns about bringing an unknown person into their homes to care for the children, the idea of Grandma moving in with the family may make a comeback. |
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| Wiley, 2002, $17.95
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Cant-Get-Along-Relationships/dp/0471388424/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276266788&sr=1-1
Using case histories drawn from his own clinical practice, Dr. Goldenthal helps us understand why adult siblings fight, and how to move past it. |
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| http://www.ehow.com/how_2107408_get-along-adult-siblings.html, Free
Five useful suggestions. |
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| http://www.livestrong.com/article/78924-handle-adult-sibling-conflict/, Free
A sensible 5-step approach. |
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| http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/qt/rivalry.htm, Free
A chatty and anecdotal article, but it makes some good points along the way. |
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| Dell, 2001, $14.00
http://www.amazon.com/Sibling-Revelry-Steps-Successful-Relationships/dp/0440508967
The authors, themselves siblings, show how to transform sibling rivalry into extraordinary, nurturing adult bonds that will enhance all other relationships in one's life. |
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| http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/qt/rivalry.htm, Free
A brief but direct write-up, with five important recommendations. |
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| AARP Public Policy Institute, November 2009, Free
http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/il/love_09.pdf
73% of American adults say they are at least somewhat in love, and 31% say they are passionately in love. |
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| California Center for Population Research, December 2008
http://papers.ccpr.ucla.edu/papers/PWP-CCPR-2008-052/PWP-CCPR-2008-052.pdf
The authors report that retirement helps to ease stress and improve well-bring in cases where high levels of tension between work and family obligations previously existed. |
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| American Association for Retired Persons, November 2008, Free
http://www.aarp.org/research/work/retirement/retired_spouses.html
A recent survey of adults aged 55-75 suggests a generally positive effect of retirement on marriages - with greater satisfaction when both spouses are retired, and less when only one is retired. Other aspects of retirement are also covered. |
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| Bantam Books, 2005, $17.00
http://www.amazon.com/Retirement-Two-Maryanne-Vandervelde/dp/0553382756/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288186185&sr=1-1
Topics include managing money within the relationship; wanting different things; deciding where to live; medical and legal matters; fighting fairly and growing whole individually and together. Illustrated with New Yorker cartoons dealing with relationships in retirement. |
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| http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=browsePA.volumes&jcode=pag
Waldinger and Schulz found evidence that time spent together between older couples was particularly conducive to better happiness and health, more so than time spent with other people. |
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| http://psychsocgerontology.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/reprint/64B/1/55, Free
Tha authors find that when the same people are involved, existing negative relationships tend to persist, but where new friends or new spouses/partners are present, the negativity tends to be reduced. |
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| U.S. General Accounting Office, September 2010, Free
http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d101046.pdf
Although this study appears not to be particularly thorough, they had no trouble identifying and documenting many egregious cases of exploitation, neglect, and abuse.. |
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| Gelo examines planning issues relating to older gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered individuals. |
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| http://psychsocgerontology.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/64B/4/497
The authors report that emotional loneliness is stronger among women in second marriages, but marked social loneliness is especially characteristic of older men with disabled spouses. Smaller social networks and less contact with children also increase emotional and social loneliness in later life. |
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| MetLife Mature Market Institute, June 2011, Free
http://www.metlife.com/assets/cao/mmi/publications/studies/2011/mmi-elder-financial-abuse.pdf
This report provides a striking and fairly detailed summary of this growing problem, and what is being done about it. |
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| http://gerontologist.gerontologyjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/48/4/485
The five themes referenced in this report all relate to closeness based on proximity and frequency of contact. They suggest ways in which this insight should affect care. |
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| http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5201.html, Free
Identifies attitudes you can adopt and conversations you can have as your aging parents become frailer, but are not yet in need of active caregiving. |
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| http://jag.sagepub.com/content/29/6/740.abstract
The authors look for risk factors relating to the exploitation of older adults. |
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| http://www.sexualityandaging.com/, Free
Website and blog that offers services and links to information on various issues concerning sexuality and aging. |
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| http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pag/24/2/
The authors found that older couples display less negativity during disagreements with one another, and more warmth while collaborating in decisions, than younger couples do. |
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| http://ageing.oxfordjournals.org/content/40/5/538.full.pdf+html
Taylor and Gosney observe that sexuality is often disregarded when dealing with older adults. They discuss appropriate ways to include this issue in health care, and also discuss the risk of over-sexualizing the aging process. |
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| http://gerontologist.oxfordjournals.org/content/50/6/744.abstract
The authors find higher levels of financial exploitation in African American families, along with some racial differences in psychological mistreatment. |
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| Pew Research Center, June 4, 2010
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1616/american-marriage-interracial-interethnic
The authors find that one in seven U.S. marriages is now interracial or interethnic. |
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| http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2010/03/husband-abuse-mentally-physically-and-emotionally-abused-men.html, Free
Burress offers basic information on this little-discussed topic. |
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| Pew Research Center, June 27, 2010
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1642/more-women-without-children
Livingston and Cohn report that nearly one-in-five American women ends her childbearing years without having borne a child, compared with one-in-ten in the 1970s. Childlessness has risen for all racial and ethnic groups, and most education levels, but fallen for women with advanced degrees. |
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| Penn Population Aging Research Center, January 2010, Free
http://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=parc_working_papers
Stevenson finds that while patterns for men have not changed much, college educated women marry later, have fewer children, are less likely to view marriage as “financial security”, are happier in their marriages and with their family life, and are less likely to divorce than 30 years ago. |
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| Hazelden Publishing, 1986, $15.95
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Melody-Beattie/dp/0894864025/ref=pd_sim_b_4
This is the classic book for people dealing with family or others with addictions. |
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| http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_online_dating_websites, Free
Basic info for about a dozen and a half online dating services, plus links to other online sources of information. |
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| http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence, Free
Not only provides detailed information on this subject, but nearly 200 references to external sources as well. |
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| Wiley, 2003, $14.95
http://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing/dp/0471454036/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276018932&sr=1-4
Engel takes a powerful, helpful look at both ends of the problem of emotional abuse. |
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| http://family-marriage-counseling.com/, Free
A nationwide directory of counselors and therapists, by locality. |
|
| Ave Maria Press, 2006, $12.95
http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Your-Through-Domestic-Abuse/dp/1594710767/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276019644&sr=1-7
Fourre discusses how to cope with an abusive relationship while it is going on and after it is over. |
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| HCI, 2002, $14.95
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Things-Happy-Couples-Do-plus/dp/1558749535/ref=pd_sim_b_5
The Friels, professional marriage counselors, actually focuses on eight strategies for keeping a relationship going well. |
|
| Active in: USA
1331 H Street NW, Suite 900, Washington, DC 20005
Telephone:202-289-3979
Fax:202-289-3952
http://www.gu.org/
A national membership organization focused solely on improving the lives of children, youth, and older people through intergenerational strategies, programs, and public policies. |
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| Free Press, 2004, $15.95
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
Glass offers what the author calls “a new, fact-based, scientifically and therapeutically responsible approach” to the problem of infidelity. |
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| Dell, 1989, $16.00
http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Lover-Back/dp/0440500893/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Dr. Harris offers a step-by-step approach to this problem. |
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| http://www.aish.com/f/m/48937667.html, Free
Rabbi Heller provides good advice for couples of any age, any religion, and married or not. |
|
| http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest, Free
A good overview with many references and external links. |
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| New Harbinger Publications, 1998, $16.95
http://www.amazon.com/Infidelity-Survival-Guide-Don-David-Lusterman/dp/1572240873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276024372&sr=1-1
Lusterman aims at keeping couples together or, if the relationship cannot be saved, at least helping both parties reach new understanding. |
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| http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200411/the-truth-about-compatibility, Free
Marano offers a primer on incompatibility in relationships. |
|
| Chicago Review Press, 2004, $14.95
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-You-Tell-Loved-Really/dp/1556525354/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288207693&sr=1-3
Offers commonsense strategies for adults who want to better communicate with their families, sharing their own stories and thus allowing their families to truly know who they are and to understand their hopes, fears, successes, and failures. |
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| Wheatmark, 2001, $12.95
http://www.amazon.com/Enabler-When-Helping-Hurts-Ones/dp/1587360675/ref=pd_sim_b_2
Miller helps you deal with family members who have deep-seated personality issues, with special emphasis on those that are not related to addiction. |
|
| http://www.counsel-search.com/, Free
A directory by state of marriage and family counselors. |
|
| Da Capo Press, 2001, $16.95
http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Relationships-Identify-Troubled-Relationship/dp/073820465X/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276019395&sr=1-14
Dr. Nelson helps you to prevent early problems from getting out of hand. |
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| Three Rivers Press, 1998, $15.95
http://www.amazon.com/How-One-You-Bring-Together/dp/0767900421/ref=pd_sim_b_4
Page deals with the thorny problem of how to improve a relationship when only one party perceives a problem or is willing to work on a solution. |
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| http://www.better-relationships-over-50.com/, Free
This site provides an overview of how to approach relationship problems, and links to other articles on the same site dealing with more specific topics. |
|
| http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pag/24/2/
The authors studied personal ads to uncover differences in what men and women in various age groups seek in a romantic partner. |
|
| McGraw-Hill, 2004, $17.95
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Family-Rifts-Finding-Member/dp/0071412425/ref=pd_sim_b_2
Sichel, offers a 10-step process for coming to terms with the underlying problems that caused the separation. |
|
| http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/affairs.htm, Free
Offers insights and advice for people having affairs who realize they shouldn’t be, and for people whose partners are or may be having affairs – including links to pages on “signs of affairs” and “recovering from affairs”. |
|
| http://specialneedsalliance.com/resources, Free
Assists both parents and professionals in dealing with the financial and legal issues connected with special needs children and adults, offering materials and links on a wide variety of topics |
|
| http://www.therapistlocator.net/, Free
Perhaps the most comprehensive search tool for finding a marriage or family therapist. |